Hmmm..... Where do I start???? I used to love writing.... In fact I used to write all the time, whether it was just recounting the day's events in my diary or sitting down for hours on end writing fairy stories about mermaids and monsters..... However, somewhere along the line life and other things intervened and I got caught up in the rat race (or somewhat race to get somewhere in life) and that passion just kind of died or rather got lost......
Even after that I used to make up stories in my head when playing make believe games with my little neighbors or cousins but the joy of putting it down on paper was lost probably due to time constraints and life pressures (or so I kept telling myself)......
A little bit about myself..... well I have always been a bit of an OVERACHIEVER, especially when it came to academic achievement... I worked really hard to be the best in class and even in university I just pushed my self to study harder and harder and I actually topped my Batch...... Why was that??? I don't know.... maybe it was because I felt like I owed my parents for spending so much on my education, maybe it was because I am a bit of a PERFECTIONIST and needed to be better than everyone else, maybe because coming from a family or people who have done great things I felt the need to prove myself or set an example...... In other ways I'm now just 20 something (won't say what the something is tho :P ), in a standard job doing work that doesn't really "Make a Difference" and still trying to figure out where my life is headed, coz I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to be doing and that scares the hell out of me.
About me as a person...... Well in a way I feel like I can relate to Shrek when he said (or was it donkey??) that he is like an onion with many layers..... I feel like that sometimes too....I like having friends and being around people, but at the same time most of them tell me that I build a wall around myself where I don't let people in beyond a certain point, which is probably because I'm very cautious with my emotions as I get hurt very easily even though I try to show the world that I'm a really strong independent woman..... I have a nice side (some may say too nice) because I will go out of my way to help someone no matter who it is, which is why I probably need to start to learn how to say "No", since there are instances where people have taken advantage of that...... On the other hand though i can be a bit evil, like if you do something to hurt me or hurt someone that I really care about, I'm not the type to easily forget about it... Sure I'll forgive you but it will be very hard for me to forget about it.... At the same time I can also have a great sense of humor and adventure, where I will try anything.... tell me to open the dance floor at an unknown party with you and I'll do it.... tell me to eat snails and I'll do it..... try anything once is something I like to live by because as the old adage goes "Try anything once and if it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger or in the very least teach you never try it again" :P I also can have a bit of wicked temper which I have over the years learnt how to control to a certain extent.... my friends will say that over the past couple of years I've learnt to control it a lot better ( the family might say otherwise... but who else am I going to vent to without sounding like an utter nutter :P) but I still tend to explode from time to time. It takes a lot to get me to that exploding point but when it does... then watch out...... though the good thing about my temper is I'll explode, but 5 minutes later I'll be back to being myself again (I won't be p***** off about the issue for days or weeks afterward)... which I guess can be considered both a good thing or a bad thing depending on how you look at it :P
So that's basically the me on the surface :) Since I can't get it all out in one entry, which would otherwise make for a very small novel....
While I do consider myself a very social person and love having friends.... I also have all these insecurities, because at the moment I feel like my whole world is rotating at a faster speed than me and I'm scared that I'll be left in the dust.....
Anyways something happened to me a few days ago ( more about that later.....) which made me realise that I shouldn't worry about having it all figured out right away and that I need an outlet to express myself, while I look at my life and try to figure out for myself what I need to do or should be doing because upto this point I've been internalizing everything that I just need to let out... which is what I hope this blog will help me do even though no one may ever read it :
Eleanor Roosevelt said "Do one thing everyday that scares you", and this for today is the thing that scares me.... Putting myself out here for anyone and everyone to see :)
Tomorrow I go back to the real world which is back to work and back to life after hiding out at home... So finger's crossed... xoxo
